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**Notice** Rugby songs are traditionally crude
and NOT politically correct. Please do not browse this
page if you are easily offended. (RATED: Strong Language; NC-17)
GOTHAM SONG -- Video1 / Video2 / Video3
Leader: We’re Gotham, we’re Gotham we’re so far
from home
Group repeat...
Leader: We’re so fucking horny so leave us alone
Group repeat...
Leader: We smoke till we get high and we drink till we get drunk
Group repeat...
Leader: And if you don’t like it then fuck off and die
Group repeat...
Leader: If the ocean was whisky and I was a duck
Group repeat...
Leader: I’d swim to the bottom and drink it all up
Group repeat...
Leader: But the ocean’s not whisky and I’m not a duck
Group repeat...
Leader: So let’s get back to Gotham and have a good fuck!
IF I WERE THE MARRYING KIND -- Video1
/ Video2
(a.k.a,The Rugby Song)
(This song is a classic and required knowledge by every rugger. Practically
every team sings it, usually tweaking it to fit the team’s personality.
Obviously not every verse is sung, but we wanted to give you an idea
of the variations. )
GROUP:
I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....
(team points to the hooker. Hooker puts beer on top of head)
HOOKER: Hooker sir!
GROUP: Why sir?
HOOKER:
'cause I'd swipe balls, and you'd swipe balls
GROUP:
we'd all swipe balls together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
swiping balls together
GROUP:
If I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....
(team points to the props. Props put beer on head)
PROPS: Prop sir!
GROUP: Why sir?
PROPS:
'cause I'd support a hooker
and you'd support a hooker
GROUP:
we'd all support a hooker together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together
Other verses:
2nd Row : grab Crotch, sniff Butt
Flanker: get off quick
No. 8: hold until you come
Scrumhalf: put it in, grab balls
Flyhalf: whip it out, call shots
Centers: look for the hole, pass out
Wing: go hard, never get it, come too fast, spread it wide
Fullback: kick balls, get f--ked, find touch
Any Forward: get stripped
Any Back: get laid
Scrum: go down
Rule Book: get violated
Shorts: go up your butt
Halftime Orange: get sucked
Mouthguard: get licked, get sucked
Spectator: get to watch
Spectator on a rainy day: come in rubber, be wet
Spectator on a sunny day: come again
Goal Posts: get split, stand erect
Cleats: get screwed
Groundskeeper: trim bush, do lines
Whistle: get blown
Boot:: come in boxes, get tied up
Ball: strapped in leather, get touched, get pumped
Pitch: grow weed, be hard
Team from far away: come for hours
Team on a bus: get off
Drunk Team: get f--ked up
JESUS CAN'T PLAY RUGBY -- Video1
(sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" a.k.a.
"Glory, Glory Hallelujah")
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
(sprinkling beer from your cup...sing the following chorus)
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
Other verses:
he's got illegal head gear
he's only got twelve men
he can't support a hooker
he's nailed to the cross
he's got holes in his feet
he's got some open wounds
he's got illegal toe cleats
the ball goes through his hands
the goal posts give him flashbacks
the Jew won't pay his dues
can't play touch judge 'cause his arms point both ways
can play rugby 'cause he turns water into wine
Last verse:
(make certain everyone around takes a knee when this verse is sung)
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.
SEVEN DAYS OF THE WEEK -- Video1 / Video2 / Video3
This song is sung by a leader, who pronounces each new day, after which
everyone else repeats after him
LEADER: Monday is a finger day
ALL: Monday is a finger day!
LEADER: Is everybody happy?
ALL: You bet your ass we're happy!
(everyone spins around 1-3 times with your beer over your heard, singing…)
DA DA DA, DA DA DA, DA DA DA, DA DA DA, DA DA DA, DA DA DA, DA DA DA,
HEY!
LEADER: Tuesday is a whanking day!
ALL: Tuesday is a whanking day!
LEADER: Monday is a finger day
ALL: Monday is a finger day!
LEADER: Is everybody happy?
ALL: You bet your ass we're happy!
Go on through all the days, as follows:
Monday: finger day
Tuesday: whanking day
Wednesday: fisting day
Thursday: f--king day
Friday: drinking day
Saturday: rugby day! (repeat three times in such a way that you seem
enthusuastic about rugby)
Sunday: the Lord's day (make certain everyone around takes a knee when
this verse is sung)
YO-HO -- Video1
I put my hand upon her toe, Yoho, Yoho,
I put my hand upon her toe, Yoho, Yoho,
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said "Hey rugger that's way too low,
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
I put my hand upon her knee, Yoho, Yoho,
I put my hand upon her knee, Yoho, Yoho,
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said "Hey rugger you're teasing me, get in,
Get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
...thigh...
..."hey rugger thats way too high"....
...ass...
..."hey rugger that's way too fast"...
...tits...
..."hey rugger quit squeezing it"...
...twat...
..."hey rugger you hit the spot!"....
I put my dick into her mouth yoho yoho,
I put my dick into her mouth she said
"
oooohooohooohoooh!!
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho."
I blew my load upon her face yoho yoho,
I blew my load upon her face she said "oh yeah I like the taste"...
We buried her in an old pine box yoho yoho,
She died from sucking too many cocks...
We dig 'er up everynow and then...
We fucked 'er once and we'll fuck 'er again!
Get in, get out, stop fucking about,
Yoho, Yoho, Yoho.
The maggots and worms have chewed her thru...
Hey thats just more holes for me to screw!....
Her Daughter's goin on twelve years old...
We started her mom at half as old...
They say her daughter turned thirteen...
R. Kelly said " that is the perfect age for me!"...
The legal age is eighteen...
Jacko says "thats too old for me"...
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO
(Everyone sings words in capital letters. Tune is similar to "For
He’s a Jolly Good Fellow"; the underlined word are the words
that change from verse to verse.)
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE
A young man came in for some paper
SOME PAPER FROM THE STORE?
Paper he wanted, a ream he got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!
And similarly:
Jewlery he wanted, a pearl necklace he got
Carpet he wanted, shag he got
Ruler he wanted, my 12 inches he got
Nail he wanted, screw he got
Fishing rod he wanted, my pole he got
Meat he wanted, sausage he got
Beef he wanted, porked he got
Coffee he wanted, my cream he got
Helicopter he wanted, my chopper he got
Camel he wanted, hump he got
Stamps he wanted, licked he got
Screen door he wanted, backdoor he got
KitKat he wanted, four fingers he got
f--k he wanted, f--ked he got
DO RE MI -- Video1
dos equis, a mexican beer
ray, a guy who buys me beer (thanks ray!)
me, a guy who likes some beer
far, a long way for a beer
so, i think i'll have a beer
la, la la la la la beer
tea, no thanks i'll have a beer
that'll bring us back to dos, dos, dos, dos, dos,
(repeat again and end with "social!")
YOGI BEAR
SINGER: I know a bear that you all know, Yogi, Yogi,
ALL: I know a bear that you all know, Yogi, Yogi bear
CHORUS:
Yogi, Yogi bear! Yogi Yogi Bear!
I know a bear that you all know
Yogi, Yogi bear!
SINGER: Yogi likes it on the fridge, polar, polar
ALL: Yogi likes it on the fridge, polar, polar bear
CHORUS:
Polar, polar bear! Polar, polar bear!
Yogi likes it on the fridge
Polar, polar bear
MORE VERSES:
Yogi has a little friend, Booboo
Yogi has a girlfirend, Cindy
Cindy likes it cold a green, Cucum (ber)
Yogi's girlfriend had big tits, more-than-I-can-bear
Yogi has an asian friend, Panda
Yogi likes it in the ass, Brown bear
Cindy doesn't shave her pubes, Grizzly
Yogi likes it upside down, Koala
Yogi has a 12 inch cock, Black bear
Booboo is only 3 feet tall, perfect
Cindy has no teeth at all, Gummi
Yogi uses condoms, Care Bear
The condom had a hole in it, Unlucky
Yogi has a cheezy nob, camem(bert)
Cindi wears lingere, teddy
Cindi hates it up the ass, something-she-can't-bare
JONESTOWN
(Sung to the tune of "Downtown")
When your down and your broke, and your religion's a joke
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
When your life's incomplete, there's only one man to meet
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
Refrain
Watch him mix the Cool aid in the vat so lethal
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people
Everyone dies.
The rev's the most gracious host
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast
(So, lift up you glasses, the durge of the masses)
Your in Jonestown
Drink with the reverend Jim
Jonestown
Chances are mighty slim
Jonestown
People are dropping like flies.
Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
Would not drink with
Jim Jones
Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
'Cause he would not drink with
Jim Jones
Refrain
First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to your kness
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
You arrive back in the States, decomposed in your crates
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
Refrain
Jonestown, Jonestown (repeat in diminuendo)
12 DAYS OF RUGBY
(sung to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas)
On the First Day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
A hand job in an MG.
On the Second Day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Two Shit-house doors
A hand job in an MG.
Chorus...
Three french whores
Four calling girls
Five blow jobs
Six sixty-niners
Seven sucking sisters
Eight aching arseholes
Nine naked nymphos
Ten tons of titties
Eleven licking lesbians
Twelve twats a' twitching...
GANGBANG
Chorus:
... Gangbang, She always will
Because a gangbang gives her such a thrill.
When she was younger and in her prime,
She used to gangbang all the time.
But now she's older and turning grey,
She only gangbangs twice a day.
[1 Person] Knock knock
[Response] Who's there?
[1 Person ] Sheila
Sheila who?
She loves to ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Eisenhower
Eisenhower who?
I's an hour late for the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Washington
Washington who?
Washing a ton of sheets after the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Claira
Claira who?
Claira place off the table for the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Nixon
Nixon who?
Nex' in line for the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Herb
Herb who?
Her brother loves to ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Erma
Erma who?
Her mother loves to ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Mona
Mona who?
Moan a little louder and we'll all join the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Uripities
Uripities who?
Uripities her pants off for the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Betty
Betty who?
Betty didn't know it was his girl on the
bottom of the pile at the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Ida
Ida who
Ida love a ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Charlie Pride
Charlie Pride who?
Charlie Pride her pants off at the ...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Wilma
Wilma who?
Wilma finger keep me satisfied 'till the next ...
Gang Bang
Chorus:
I love a gang bang, oh yes I will
Because a gang bang gives me such a thrill
When I was younger and in my prime
I used to gang bang all the tiii-iiime
But now I'm older and turning grey
I only gang-bang twice a day-ay
Knock knock (who's there?)
Ida (Ida who?)
Ida want another gang bang... (chorus)
Knock knock (who's there?)
Turner (Turner who?)
Turner over, let's have another gang bang... (chorus)
Gladiator...
Gladiator out before the gang bang...
Oliver...
Oliver clothes were off at the gang bang...
Ranger...
Ranger for best entry at the gang bang...
Dolly Parton...
Dolly's partin' her thighs at the gang bang...
Ben Dover...
Ben Dover and have another gang bang...
Police...
Po-leeze take me to the gang bang...
Extinct...
It stinked like fish at the gang bang...
Sharon...
Share and share alike at the gang bang...
Alice...
At least he stopped bringing his grandma to the gang bang...
Anita...
Ah needa little rest before the gang bang...
Eisenhower...
Eisenhower late for the gang bang...
Tijuana...
Tijunana bring your mamma to the gang bang...
Charlie Pride...
Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang...
Irish...
Irish we were at the gang bang...
THE S&M MAN
CHORUS:
Who can take a cheese grater, strap it to his arm
shove it up her cunt and make some pussy parmesan?
GROUP:
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
CHORUS:
Who can take a pregnant chick, lay her on the bed.
Fuck her so hard that the fetus gives you head?
GROUP:
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
CHORUS:
Who can take just two bricks, hold one in each hand,
bang them on his balls, like the cymbals in the band?
GROUP:
The S & M Man, The S&M Man,
'cause he mixes it with love
and makes the hurt feel good...
The hurt feel good...
CHORUS:
Who would take a condom, Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife, 'cause she twitches when it stings?
CHORUS
Who can take a Doberman, let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend, while he takes a video?
Who takes jumper cables, clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car, and electrocutes the bitch?
Who can take some shackles, chain you to the walls,
Fill a glass with sperm, by lancing both your balls?
Who can take an
old wood saw, rusty, but still cuts,
Saw it back and forth, 'til he cuts off both his nuts?
Who could take
a girl scout, get a little nookie.
Punch her in the jaw, and steal her fucking cookies?
Who would use machinery,
to masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis, and pretend it didn't hurt?
Who can take some
sandpaper, Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth, 'til she has a bleeding clit?
Who can take a
glass rod, shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table, and smash it with a brick?
Who gives children candy,
takes them 'round the block, And rips up their innards,with the ramming
of his cock?
Who can take a feminist, punch her in the face.
Throw the bitch in the kitchen and yell, "Know your fucking
place!"
Who can take a baby, throw it on a pile,
And fuck it up its ass, Shish-ka-bob style?
Who can take a puppy, hold
it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass, until it sheds those puppy tears?
Who can take a
vice clamp, clamp it on a tit
Squeeze the sucker down 'til it pops just like a zit?
Who can take a
transient, rip out one of his eyes
Skull fuck the bastard while he listens to his cries?
Who can take a
baby, lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over, fuck the soft spot in its head?
Who can take a
chainsaw, cut the bitch in two,
fuck the lower half and give the other half to you?
Who can take two
ice picks, shove 'em in her ears,
ride her like a Harley while he fucks her in the rear?
Who can take
a tricycle, rip off the seat,
shove his little sister on it and kick her down the street?
Who can
take your scrotum, stick it with a pin,
Hang on a bunch of weights, 'til it drags down to your shins?
Who can
take your penis, tie it in a knot,
Tighter yet tighter, until the fucker rots?
Who can take three little
boys, ages 4,6, and 8
lock 'em in a closet and make 'em masturbate?
Who can take a nun, bend
her over the pew,
Fuck her fuck her fuck her till she wants to be a Jew?
Who can take
(name of friend or someone to pick on)'s grandma, throw her on the
lawn,
Fuck her in the grass while grandpa cheers you on?
Who can take a tampon,
suck out all the blood,
Put it back in then pass it to his bud?
Who can go to an abortion clinic,
sneak around the back, Rummage through the dumpster and grab a tasty
snack?
Who can go to an abortion clinic, fuck sneaking round the back, Enter
through the front door and take one off the rack?
THE PRISON BITCH SONG
(http://starterupsteve.com/swf/finalprison.html)
Oh, I met you on a Saturday morning.
I acted all coy and shy,
And then, without much of a warning,
I managed to catch your eye.
You gave me a little tobacco.
Round my waist, you put your arm.
You told me that your name was Psycho;
You were in for grievous bodily harm.
Chorus:
Oh, I'm your personal prison bitch, I am.
I'm totally within your power. (Backup: your power!)
Your personal prison bitch, I am.
We met in the C Block shower.
Oh, to prove that you loved me dearly, (Backup: dearly!)
You gave me a big tattoo, (Backup: tattoo!)
Though it said on my head very clearly,
That I was your "favorite skrew".
Oh, that evening you climbed in my bunk bed (Backup: booty boy?)
And tenderly kissed my cheeks, (Backup: Aw!)
And then you did something else to me,
And I couldn't walk straight for two weeks!
Chorus:
Oh, I'm your personal prison bitch, I am.
I look at you with adulation. (Backup: adulation!)
Your personal prison bitch, I am,
But I wish you'd use lubrication!
Your personal prison bitch, I am.
We have sex every day in the yard. (Backup: in the yard!)
I just hope that no one discovers us,
Especially since I am a guard!
Guard (talking): I love you, Psycho!
Psycho (talking): Oh yeah? Love this, bitch! (Effects: Zip! Thud!)
Guard (talking): Heh, heh. Oh...Psycho! (Effects: Cell door slams.)
RING DING DING DIDDLE DIDDLE LADYO
Click here for sound file
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